the art of spitting
i need lots o'help with this one. it's an idea that's been tumbling around my brain for a while, but i can't seem to get to anything without it just sounding like i'm telling a straight narrative.all...
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this is just great! only thing i would change, and it's very very tiny, and merely personal at that, is to make the spit in the first line to "do it," so we don't echo the title right away.otherwise,...
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i really appreciate that "tiny" suggestion: you're absolutely right!other lines that need particular attention, before i go back and rework the bejesus out of it:one winter morning when he couldnt...
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sometimes they just are what they are, and these lines are very much are to me, and i wouldn't touch them.
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i'd leave them too. as a matter of a fact the linesQuote:and i thought, i really thought...give great impact. don't change a thing!
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oh, too late. just went and changed things.here's an updated version.Theres An Art To SpittingAnd my father could do it like nobodys businessgreat arcs across the infield line,liquid bullets...
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with the exception of the itals on i really thought, which is okay, i so much prefer the first post, including the line breaks. the explanatory sentence about the pinnacle of spit just tries too hard,...
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i gotta agree- the first version with jim's suggestion worked better for me -and it worked very well
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i like the flow and good characterisation. regardsedenNavel Orange
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Hi Panamowa. This poem is moving and shows the relationship between father and daughter. I would maybe tighten it up.But that is just me.Take my suggestions as a grain of saltbecause it is always just...
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hi, all--i appreciate all of your comments and am about to look at this piece for a while this a.m...kerri- i don't mind your suggestions at all. i rather like it when someone puts his/her hand to a...
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Hi Panamowa,I like this poem and the way you develop the character and the emotional inquiry of the daughter. I think you have already received some valuable suggestions regarding this piece. So I...
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